Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
