Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
