just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm having to shit out rocks
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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