You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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