its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
