dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
