I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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