Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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