just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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