My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
