She is in my trunk
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
