my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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