you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
