I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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