Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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