just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
