Im at strip club and am horny
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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