found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
