I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
