no you cant smoke seaweed
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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