Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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