there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
