the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
