Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize