flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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