she woke up with a sticky ear
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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