worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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