Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
