but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize