i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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