My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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