are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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