You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
