Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
