i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
