maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
