You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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