In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
