its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
