Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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