One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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