I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
