Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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