Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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