Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
