If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
