I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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