She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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