Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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