Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
