Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
