i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
