why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
