she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
