Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
