i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize