her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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