Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
