part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
