Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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