he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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