At least make sure they are 18
Why
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
