i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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