I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
