Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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