i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
