and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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