omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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