So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
