another moral hangover. fuck.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
