i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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