is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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