you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
