I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
