yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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