I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
