He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
