How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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