The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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