I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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