I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
