he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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