forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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