If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
