nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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