WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize