Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
