There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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