Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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