Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize