Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
