she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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