Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
