if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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