her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
